RSO on *quirk*

So, you're quirky, huh? Hmm.

To identify where they fit in a story, one of the most important things artists must do is to describe themselves: their voice, their look, their authenticity and their energy.

 This last category can be confusing, and many are tempted to use “office interview” answers (I’m punctual, professional, collaborative, etc.) that don’t really help, because these are basic prerequisites to working professionally. But more specific answers (Patrick Page is “intimidating, powerful,” Jane Krakowski is “flirtatious, hyper-feminine,” Eva Noblezada is “grounded, mysterious,” etc.) can be useful to understanding an artist’s internal life. Still among these handy responses is one pervasive and increasingly dull descriptor:

 “Quirky.”

This word has become such a vague go-to that, like repeating a word too many times, it has all but lost its meaning. In days past it was “hip” or “edgy,” but today it’s a catch-all for feeling just a little bit different, or cute, or silly, or weird, or funny, or … ahh!

These days, everyone seems to be “quirky.”

And this makes sense in the theatre. As drama kids, weren’t we all a bit odd in high school? To separate from others on the chorus line, aren’t we all striving to be original? Don’t we fancy our uniqueness to be a bit original and eccentric, and wouldn’t we all dream of being anything but predictable?

And so describing ourselves as “quirky,” left alone, is essentially as useless as those tired “office interview” words. We HOPE you’re quirky; we ASSUME you’re quirky, until we are proven wrong!

YOU: Well, RSO, “quirky” is about all I had, and now you’re trying to take that away from me and I just spilled my coffee on my leg and the day is ruined and I’m going back to bed—

 WAIT! Come.

 Sit.

Welcome… to SUBQUIRKS.

 Subquirks™ :) are a way to describe your brand of quirk more precisely. And while we do want to honor who we are in civilian life, it’s also useful to remember we can HARNESS our energy STRATEGICALLY to better define the energy we can AMPLIFY to position ourselves more desirably in casting. Here we can pinpoint within our natural, unconscious, and immutable energy the vibes we want to magnify in the room.

(That is, sometimes our at-home quirks [like say, taking your sandwich apart and smelling it before you eat it, checking the stove four times before you leave the house, having philosophical conversations with our cat *and* playing both parts] may get in the way in a professional setting and we choose to damp them in public.)

We may find a performative quirk we choose to utilize as part of our brand. Many comedians do this — onstage they take on a wild personality trait (still TRUE to themselves) which expands something tiny within them — but catch them chilling at the bar, and they seem subdued by comparison.

So, below you will find a list of examples — but by no means comprehensive!!! — of subquirks you may identify with. Take a peek and reflect on your observations!

(Note that all of these are genderless and any human may associate themselves with them.)

CEREBRAL — Internal, always thinking, (over) analytical, you know too many facts because learning all the world capitals was fun! Your quirk is always seeming too smart for your own good, but that’s why we love you!

OVERBRIGHT — Can’t stop smiling, hard to repress your joy, in the dark days you chin-up! Your quirk is that you always seem too dang happy, and that’s why we love you!

SILLY/PLAYFUL — Your brand asks why’s everyone so GD serious!??!!?, because you believe everything’s a game if you try hard enough! The “manic pixie dream girl” trope comes from this, and while that has taken on more negative connotations of late, some people do identify proudly with it. Your quirk is that life’s too short to not be a little silly, and you’re always goofin’ and cheesin’, and that’s why we love you!

NEUROTIC — An *endearing* level of nervous or unsettled energy, a low-grade panic for our enjoyment (key: the neurosis is *harnessed*, not unhinged). Your quirk is that watching you “suffer” is what makes us love you.

WILD CHILD — Unpredictable (in a safe way, please), who knows what you’re gonna do?, you have too many ideas and see the world as an endless stew of possibilities. You’re outrageously creative, leaving many in awe of how quickly you come up with all of it, and that’s why we love you!

STRANGE AND UNUSUAL – Lydia Deitz, Wednesday Addams, deeply in touch with the macabre, a little witchy. (Many will want to choose this, but I ask you: do you live with the lights off, visit graveyards, struggle to smile, see darkness everywhere — or do you just wish you did?) Your quirk is that you love what’s spooky, grisly, and miserable, and that’s why we love you!

"QUEERKY" – You identify as queer and you are gonna lean into that -ness in every way possible; being LGBTQIA+ is literally 99% of your personality. Why walk when you can sashay? You’re (in the words of Tina Fey) “almost too gay to function,” and that’s why we love you!

“URTH GODDXSS” — You’re a hippie for 2023, the stars talk to you, you have more crystals than you know what to do with, and if there’s a production of Hair happening, you should be consulted first. You crunch when you walk and you are one with the cosmos, and that’s why we love you!

And the list goes on. In fact, if you identify as quirky and DON’T see yourself here thus far, that’s probably a great thing! Can you create a new subquirk all your own, such that people who meet you wish they were a little more LIKE YOU?

(And if you find yourself living between two or more of these, that’s also a clue to redefine a new subquirk all your own.)

We hope this is thought-provoking for you and will help you better identify your incredible special energy!

Your strange and unusual friend,

RSO

WEBSITE ADVICE FROM RSO

Hey, there! 

How’s your website looking? Did someone stop by today, hopeful you might be the right person to bring in for an audition (or receive a direct offer!), and did they find what they needed … 

...or were they left cold and moved on?

Let’s make sure in your case, it’s the first option!

 (Recently I’ve been doing some casting for a variety of projects for myself and others, and have found more often than not websites are overcomplicated, cluttered, confusing, or missing some essential items necessary to recommend someone for casting.)

Your website should be clean, simple, and effective, and give people the MOST USEFUL information AS QUICKLY as possible. It isn’t a memorial page for your life; it isn’t a theme park in your honor we have to explore; it’s a digital business card.

A GREAT website has the following qualities:

 STRONG LANDING PAGE

• The first thing we see is your beautiful face — can be a headshot, but a “promotional / lifestyle shot” would be even better

• We see your perfect, professional name — ideally it’s what most people in the industry will call you. If you use a nickname 99% of the time, why not make sure that’s the name you consistently use everywhere else?

• A branding statement — NOT an “about” paragraph (more on that later)

• POSSIBLY: a featured video that you feel is the best “welcome to the heart of me, and by the way, this video is f*cking great.”

• POSSIBLY: a current or upcoming project you’re working on, if you feel it’s super cool and attention-grabby. (Make sure to take it down once it’s passed though!)

 AVOID OVERLY-LONG, NARRATIVE "ABOUT ME" SECTIONS

• It’s super tempting to have a long 200+ word section that tells us about the day you were born, the first time you saw Wicked, why Momo got you into theatre, and the dream roles you aspire to one day play — but this is all, unfortunately, not the information we are interested in at the moment. And really, once we ARE interested, we aren’t likely to go back and read this anyway. So you don’t really ever need this paragraph! YES, have an “About Me,” but it should be short and ideally in the form of a branding statement.  

 A BRANDING STATEMENT

A branding statement is 1-3 sentences which clearly communicate your:

• VOICE TYPE and any musical genres you really specialize in

• YOUR STYLE, if you associate strongly with a particular look (they can see your photos so you don’t have to describe your body necessarily)

• YOUR ENERGY if there is something powerful immutable about your demeanor that is useful in your storytelling

• OPTIONAL: YOUR AUTHENTICITY if you’d like to communicate that hear – queerness, ethnicity, nationality, disability, etc., whatever you want people to know that you proudly identify as (aka, if there is a story about that authenticity, YOU should be the one to tell it!)

 Something in the form of:

BILLY JAMISON is a ROCK-SCRELTING TENOR despite the fact that he’s giving you FULL NERD VIBES. He’s a QUEER storyteller from the BRONX and is ready to rock your world.

(Or something!)

VIDEOS

• At minimum, have 2-3 videos of good quality that showcase your classic, radio, and contemporary MT go-to cuts.

• At max, you may want videos of all your audition cuts so that people can quickly click on the songs in the genre they might be exploring

• You may also have production videos IF you are prominently featured and the performance is impressive (be mindful: the fact that you were in a show isn’t, on its own, impressive)

A NOTE ON VIDEOS:

• Don’t worry about the video quality as long as you’re mostly in frame. Self-tapes are totally fine!

• Make sure the accompaniment is loud enough to balance with your voice; sometimes if it’s not quite loud enough, you may come off as pitchy (when you’re not) or unsupported by the accompaniment.

• Cuts OR full songs are fine; many people will scrub to 2/3 of the way through on your video for the climax to see what’s going on, and if they’re interested, they may then watch the whole thing.

• Don’t include links to videos that may require passwords or may be difficult in ANY way to access — and do not make us download anything!

REELS ARE...EH

• Avoid musical theater reels — we don’t need to know generally all the styles you sing in in one video, where we have to watch 7 minutes to get the starting info we want in 30 seconds.  

• It’s better to have separated videos than a reel combining songs.

• Monologues are also better separated out, but an acting reel is better than an MT reel.

• However: film/TV reels are fine as are dance reels!

 PHOTOS

• Please NOT a gallery of 40 photos. A few contrasting headshots are great.

• A few lifestyle / promo shots are also great.

• Full body or dancing shots may be useful.

• Photos from shows are good IF the production value is high and elevates you — if you look great but the show looks bustatron, it may distract from how awesome YOU are.

HEADSHOT & RESUME

• Obviously, have a good headshot (professionally taken, ideally in NYC), and up to 2-3 contrasting

• Your resume wants to look polished and clear. No need to add every time you stepped foot onstage — only roles you feel are useful to selling what you can do.

• If you’ve worked at great theatres or with great directors, include them

• On education/master classes, ONLY include names of people who would give you a solid recommendation if they got texted asking about you (aka, not a celebrity you spent 5 minutes with 10 years ago)

• Don’t make us download your headshot/resume to view it!

CONTACT

• If you have reps, include their contact info

• I hate “contact forms” that basically just email you … better to include your OWN email address and let people contact you directly (and when some creeper uses your email from your website because you’ve become so famoso, THEN you take your address down)

• Include your Instagram and/or TikTok IF you feel they are useful parts of your brand

And that’s it!! You really don’t need much else.

NOTE: Many people feel it's important to have a clean mobile version of your site as well. I know this can be easy to overlook, but check it out on your phone too, to make sure it functions well on a device.

FAQS

Does domain name matter? I know some people will do www.myname.wixsite.com, etc. Is it important to own a domain that's easy to remember/type in from a resume? 

• Yes, I think you want www.yourname.com, or even www.yournameActor.com, ideally. Make it intuitive. You also don’t want a domain, ideally, that looks like you got it for free; it is helpful too look like you’ve invested in your career, as they want to invest $$$$ in you. 

Should I include other things I do, like my voice studio I started or my work as a yoga teacher, etc.?

• I would not. They should be separate websites unless you only act while teaching yoga (that’s a joke).

How do you feel about a "news" section? I know a ton of people do this, and it's kind of a way to track what a person's been up to lately. It's more in-depth than the one-off section about an upcoming project, so is it useful or does it just create more clutter? 

• I have no problem with a news section, as long as you keep it updated regularly. When I see a news section that hasn’t been updated in 4+ months, it is not really useful. Also, you could consider attaching your Instagram feed (the actual posts) as a news section, if you’re posting professional news there. (If it’s all hang-outs with friends, that might not be totally useful though.)

A NOTE ON POSTURING:

Please honor yourself and be “as big as you are” — no more, no less. I have noticed an interesting thing with early-career artists: sometimes, they want to give people the impression they’re “very professional” and “have a team of gatekeepers working for them” and are “a very big deal” — while knowing deeply they are really excited for an opportunity and would love to be paid to do the thing they love!

Some artists think that by maintaining a thick sheen of “professionalism,” people will take them more seriously. But the reality is, more often than not, casting and creative folks quickly see through that and sense that perhaps this artist is fooling no one but themselves — and worse, may be difficult to bring into the cast or difficult to work with in the room.

 We always want you to protect yourself and ensure you’re not being taken advantage of — but give yourself the chance to be strongly considered, get the offer, and then ask the right questions (and/or let your reps do the hard work) — by being easy-going, warm, open-hearted, flexible and passionate to begin with.

 The people you want to work with are casting HUMANS, not “Ack-tors,” and I’d go so far as to say they’d like to believe they’re casting future friends, not future lines on a resume.

So, with all this in mind, go with the digital Gods and get that website in tip-top shape!!!

 -RSO

THOUGHTS FROM RSO ON "HOPE"

Hi all,

I've heard from a number of you, my dear AT-ers, that you've (re)entered a rough spot emotionally. Auditions have been slow, or non-existent, callbacks maybe but no big bookings. People around you are booking. You're looking at the date and overwhelmed by a feeling that this isn't how your life should be going, that where you are today isn't where your life should have gone. 

I get it ... more than you know. I've won, I've lost, I've been hired, been fired, had opportunities come and go and shows fall apart, cashed big checks and wondered where the next one will come from. And I've done a lot of trying to figure out a way to NOT let these feelings come so consistently. I've made some progress, but like an incurable illness, some things can't be cured — only dealt with and monitored. 

Achievement anxiety/depression is a REAL thing, and it affects most artists. 

I've found it's often cyclical. Starting in 2016, I started to "chart my happiness." (I know, weird ... I'm a Virgo and I love Excel.) On a scale of –1 to +10 (where negative 1 is "the worst a human could possibly feel" and +10 is "the best a human could ever possibly feel"), each day I give myself a score. I've had some 6s and 7s, and I've had some –2s and –3s, but mostly I live around +3-5, which sounds about right ... and it could be worse.  

But in charting this for the last 7 years, I've noticed some PATTERNS, and I think we're all susceptible to it. 

January, June and September are three of the most sensitive months of the year: the start of a new year, the start of the summer, and the start of the fall. When I'm not booking work or feeling good about my career, I notice this cycle occurs: 

JAN: New year, new me

FEB: Fuck I guess not so "new" me... <--WE ARE HERE

MAR: What am I doing with my life

APR: I'm so tired

MAY: Hurry, make plans for the summer

JUN: Summer's here, I'll plan trips to keep my mind off my sadness

JUL: Summer goes by too quickly

AUG: Fuck fuck fuck fuck the fall

SEP: Fall's here, here we go again

OCT: Is this going to get better

NOV: Stop thinking about your career, turn off your brain for the holidays

DEC: Eat drink holiday repeat

Being actors, your seasons (when auditions are really happening) are a little different than mine, but I think you might see yourself in this. Add to that that you may also deal with seasonal depression (I hate the winter!) and/or seasonal uplift (I love summer!).

But KNOWING that these feelings are going to come BECAUSE of the time of year is one way to accept that it isn't about you, and most people (because 95% of artists are looking for work, whereas only 5% actually have the work) are experiencing it. Remembering this can take a bit of the existential edge off.

But sometimes, it's worse than usual

Sometimes this pattern goes on for so long, it wears you down, and your ability to get past it is harder. Until you reach a phase that sticks, and turns an up and down pattern into what feels like a low, flat line. Suddenly the tiniest good things feel like a miracle (I got seen! = I matter today!) and the tiniest bad things are soul-crushing (they spelled my name wrong at Starbucks! = Do I even exist?).

And for some of you that's how it's been lately. You feel ... hopeless. 

I've been there.

I was there over the last few years: an existential dread, a hopelessness that was lower than anything I had ever experienced. You think you know how "low" you can go — but you discover basements below basements and sewers beneath that ... and you find miseries beneath your worst-feared miseries that don't even scare you anymore ... just make you laugh. That the events that happen to you (or that don't happen to you), feel cosmic. 

"Don't I work hard? Haven't I worked hard?"

"This used to be easier. Why is it suddenly so impossible?"

"It feels like I did something wrong or upset someone ... it feels like the industry is against me."

"I truly don't know how to take the next step ... I don't know which direction to go in that I haven't already tried, and tried, and tried, and tried ..."

And the last three years have been like that for me. 

Some of you attended the business class I gave last December 2022 that was about just this: doing everything you can to help yourself. And I had to sit there and talk for 2 hours and tell you all to have hope ... when I had virtually none. I had to tell you to keep going, when I didn't really know how I could. 

This too, shall pass...

But like always, I knew I had to. I've never given myself a back-up plan. But just as it all began to feel utterly futile, and the bad news was sure to keep coming as it had week after week after week (your show is over! the director is pulling out! you've been rejected from that opportunity!) ....

The Kleban happened. December 21st, I was on a train, and I got the call I had been waiting for for 15 years, out of nowhere, unexpectedly. I didn't believe it was happening because it had been so long since I had experienced good news. 

But what I couldn't really believe was that this cycle of depression and achievement anxiety was taking an up-turn. That for now, the darkness would pass, and there would be some light. The ridiculous belief I held somewhere, that I would know good days again, that opportunities would come my way, and I'd get to do the thing I loved again — the thing I had always believed but had, of late, started to question ... I was once again, proven right. 

If you work hard, keep your eyes open and remind yourself you have control, success will come your way. And if you keep at that long enough, the success will add up. And at some point, when you least expect it, a big break may come your way. 

Breaking this down a bit: 

• We've talked a bit about what "working hard" means in the case of pursuing musical theatre. It's so much more than just auditioning. 

• "Keep your eyes open" means working intentionally and strategically, not blindly. 

• "Remind yourself you have control" means not allowing yourself to believe that it's an agent, or AEA-status, that will determine your future — but you. 

• "Success" means doing what you love. A win. It doesn't mean everything, but it's something to keep you going. 

• "Keep at it long enough" ... This is a long career you're hoping for, I think. What? 40, 50, 60 years? Your career will ebb and flow. Bad reviews, good reviews. Big shows, small shows. Things you're proud of and things you're doing just for the $$$. For better or worse, a few years of good or bad luck isn't unheard of. Prepare for those "long winters."

• "Success will add up." A career isn't one show. A career is dozens of shows, working in many media, creating things and replacing people. A memoir is more than one chapter. 

• "And at some point, when you least expect it...." Like falling in love or falling asleep, you can't force the world to do your bidding. But you can keep yourself out there, and ensure you're ready for when it comes. 

Everything is only for now

So yes, everything has changed for me — for now. And I am reminded as I so often am, that everything is (thank you, Avenue Q) only for now. This pain is only for now. The emptiness and depression and uncertainty, just for now. Your next gig will be only for then, and the waiting after, and the gig after that, only for then. Think of all the bad and good things in your past, the joy you thought was here to stay and the hurt you thought would never heal, they came and they stayed a moment and they left, and you absorbed them into the person you are today. 

So, what now? 

If you're feeling down, my best advice to you is to take yourself out for a business meeting. All you can do is everything you can do. 

• Make a list of the auditions that are coming up. If you don't see any you're interested in, ask yourself if you have enough interests. 

• Go see theatre and concerts. Immerse yourself with the artists and the people you want to be working with and for. 

• Make a long list of industry professionals you love, and connect or reconnect with them. 

• And make a list of people you're a genuine fan of. Engage with their work, and reach out in all the ways you can.

But most importantly, find your Little Wins. 

I wish I could tell you that I am immune to validation but I'm not. I need people to like my work, and like me, and hire me, and tell me I'm awesome. And I'm sure you do, too. But sometimes, when we're feeling those voices aren't happening as frequently as our spirit needs, we must find our little wins.

Surround yourself with people who inspire you and avoid plans with people who depress you / bring you down. Create little projects — about theatre, but also not about theatre. If you're not working, you may have some time, so pick up a hobby you enjoy. Give yourself something to do, short- and medium-term, that you can invest time into and when they're done, you say, "I did that, I made that, I won. A little bit, but I won."

And... there's something to be said for manifesting

I'm not religious, and I'm not particularly superstitious, and I ... thought ... I didn't believe in manifesting, but ... 

On Dec. 1, 2022, a director pulled out of a musical I was working on which was just another thing in a horrifying list of bad news. And I actually had to laugh, the string of bad luck was so ridiculous, and I just, offhandedly said — and then ended up writing in my journal: "In 21 days, before my parents get here for the holidays, something incredible is going to happen to change my life."

I won the Kleban on Dec. 20, and my parents arrived on Dec. 21.

You won't believe me — why should you? — but I swear on everything good in the world that that is a true story. So there's something to be said about manifesting. 

About believing, for no good reason other than you want it, that your dreams can come true. WILL come true.

So work. Do. Win. Manifest.

Hope. 

-RSO

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT COMEDY SONGS by RSO

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW

ABOUT COMEDY SONGS:

WHAT IS A COMEDY SONG - AND WHAT IS IT NOT??

A “comedy song,” in the sense that it may be requested in an audition breakdown by casting, is used to demonstrate your timing, sense of humor, and sheer ability to make us laugh. 

It’s not "kinda funny," or the sort of thing to which you’d text back “lol” … it’s really fucking funny, the kind of thing you’d ACTUALLY laugh out loud at. 

Think of the reviews for the latest musical comedy hit of the season. They aren’t “My nephew kinda laughed a couple of times!” or “I smiled knowingly at the irony!” They are “Sorry, at the ER - still laughing!” and “I shit myself!”

DON'T MIX UP CHARM/CHARACTER SONGS FOR COMEDY SONGS

A lot of actors lower their bar for what a comedy song is, thinking of classic comic relief roles and using tunes that have humorous, witty, or clever lyrics and believing that will be enough. We’re thinking things like “If You Hadn’t But You Did, “Adelaide’s Lament,” or “Killer Instinct.” 

Humorous lyrics are nice, but we’ve heard the jokes before (like, 100 times?). The jokes have gotten old and we have the lyrics memorized. These songs CAN be funny (more on that later), but they end up being only as funny as the actor makes them - and that can be a tall order.

SO, DO YOU NEED A COMEDY SONG?

Not necessarily.

I hosted a master class once with a multi-Tony Award-winning writer (who had themselves written many great comedy songs), and a student delivered a ho-hum performance of a sorta silly song, and said it was in their book because they thought they needed a comedy song.

The writer replied: “Do you consider yourself really funny?”

And they said, “Comedy isn’t really my thing.”

And the writer said that was all the reason needed for letting it go.

If you don’t feel you tap dance well, why would you buy tap shoes?

“WELL NOW I FEEL DISCOURAGED AND NERVOUS. FUCK.”

No, no! Don’t be. Read on!

"WHERE DO I FIND A COMEDY SONG THAT WORKS FOR ME?"

START WITH THE OBVIOUS PLACES…

Find the comedy songs from musicals that are lesser done that make YOU laugh. This will still depend on timing, but if the material is outrageously funny on its own, it could work for you.  

Ex: “All About Ruprecht” (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels), “Model Behavior” (Women on the Verge…), or “I Just Wanna Dance” (Jerry Springer the Opera)

Or, bring new life to a charm/character song through an exceptional take. Land the jokes in a way we haven’t heard them before ,full of creativity and fresh ideas. 

Ex: Matt Doyle’s take on “Getting Married Today,” Ali Stroker on “I Cain’t Say No”

…AND THEN DIG DEEPER…

Check out musical TV shows! Musical TV shows have been the rage for a few years, but people don’t often mine them for audition material—yet you’ll often find terrific comic material there!

Ex: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Schmigadoon, Central Park, Girls5Eva

Explore comedians who are also singer-songwriters. Comics write funny songs, too!

Ex: Garfunkel and Oates, Bo Burnham, Rachel Bloom (Before Crazy Ex-Girlfriend).

Deep-dive singer-songwriters who are also comedians, and pop (etc.) songwriters don’t want to be left out…. 

Ex. “Dogs” (Magic Sugar Coffee), “When I’m at Therapy” (The Blue Dinosaur), or (and I can’t believe I’m writing this) “Smell Yo D***.” (Riskay, et al) (If you bring that one in please do not credit me.)

…REALLY DEEP.

Do a TV Theme Song! That mix of nostalgia, ridiculousness and the feeling that “this shouldn’t be an audition song” can actually make a perfect comedy audition song. 

Ex: The Pokemon Theme Song, The Mary Tyler Moore Theme Song

Find stupid songs inserted into TV shows and movies. They’re just waiting for you!

Ex: Family Guy has dozens, “Stu’s Song” (The Hangover), “Muffin Top” (30 Rock), “A Little Bit Alexis” (Schitt’s Creek)

BUT THE MOST SUCCESSFUL COMEDY SONGS…. 

Aren’t necessarily born as comedy songs. They are funny because YOU make them funny with your incredible hilarity. Change the context of the original song!

It’s funny because YOU’RE singing it. I once saw a 7-foot-tall gay man sing Alanis Morisette’s “You Oughtta Know” like an unhinged stalker—and he booked the role without a callback. Or a gay boy singing “I Kissed a Girl” (though I’ve seen that take a lot…). 

Re-interpret the song

You’re defying the original intention of the song to make it funny. Doing “Good Mornin’” (Singing in the Rain) with a hangover; “I Know Things Now” (Into the Woods) about getting pregnant; “I Got No Strings” (Pinocchio) but you keep falling down and sing half the song crumpled on the floor

FINALLY, DON’T FORGET: 

If it doesn’t make you laugh, it probably won’t make us laugh. If you’ve heard the joke before, we might have, too. 

Now get out there and get some funny, you silly bish!!!

-RSO

BATTLING "RETURN ANXIETY" by RSO

Read this. Really.

The pandemic has been scary. Like, really scary. What if theatre never comes back? What if there are no jobs for me? What if I forgot how to do what I love?

But now with vaccinations increasing, with shows beginning to seriously discuss reopening, with producers looking for new shows to produce and open, there's a new kind of fear lurking around the corner. Some of you have already named it.

Before we were afraid theatre was gone... but now many of us are beginning to fear the return of theatre. What if theatre resumes—and I'm not ready?! What if there ARE jobs for me—and once again I can't get seen? What if I remember all my training, and I STILL don't get a callback?

"Return anxiety" is real, and if hasn't already affected you, it may, soon. We want to help you get past that.

Singing in front of living people again feels crazy-making, intensely emotional, terrifying and gratifying—all at once. How are you supposed to look calm and natural with all that bubbling up?

We always say that your go-to audition songs should feel like a "nice-to-meet-you" ... but when you want to scream, cry, thank the lord and curse the world all at once—it's not a, uh, great lewk for you. But there's a solution.

In our in-person classes, almost every student who comes in expresses a lot of concern their first day. They don't feel like themselves, singing feels good yet unfamiliar. And when of course they're not met with "wow you're better than ever, it's like there was no pandemic!" they spiral, fearing they've taken 100 steps back... when they already felt like there were 10,000 steps still to go before COVID.

Yet, after a few classes, even the most anxious students found that, far faster than they thought, they were feel better again and after 2 or 3 classes, and could find their footing. Amazing how the body and mind can adapt when you want it badly enough.

We all have a certain "threshold" of anxiety.

Okay this is my belief, based on my own experiences and watching other people. First off, it's important to remember that fear is ESSENTIAL to staying alive. Anxiety is a form of awareness, as uncomfortable as it can be. But anxiety can be good ... it reminds us to sleep more, to work harder, to give thought to our futures, and to always weigh our comfort against our ambitions. So every human body has a certain capacity for anxiety biologically. Some people would say that about 10-20% of the time, they're worried or anxious, and that feels fine by them. That's probably a "safe/normal" amount of anxiety.

But ... then there's the rest of us, who find our lives filled with something like 40-70% anxiety, and it feels noticeable and difficult.

On one hand, we have to acknowledge that some of our anxiety is good. It makes us human. It helps us get better. But the rest of it, we have to find a way to take the edge off.

Part of decreasing unnecessary anxiety is transferring our "fear of the unknown" into "focus on the path ahead." Only by doing and FACING the unknown can we truly know how much work is ahead, and only then can we actually start to DO the work and IMPROVE OUR LIVES.

Stop trying to get back to the person you were...

Many people are focused on who they were before the pandemic. Not even because they thought who they were was particularly perfect, but because they haven't considered that maybe this pandemic hasn't only TAKEN something from them... maybe the pandemic has GIVEN them something, too.

I mean: did you ever think you could brave the facts of the last year? Did you ever think you'd come out of this alive?

...Start processing the person you're becoming.

Perspective. Clarity. Strength. These are things every single one of us has more of.

We haven't been maintaining false friendships with business associates, but rather we've gotten impossibly close to the core group of people who actually matter and more importantly, who actually care.
For many people, the pandemic made an underline on what we really want to be doing with our lives. For MANY people in theatre, the answer was clear: they didn't want to be doing theatre anymore.

But if you're reading this, you probably do, and probably know, more than ever, that it's ALL you want to be doing.

And instead of thinking that "when theater comes back there will be fewer jobs" consider that a lot of your half-hearted competition may have moved on to other things. Students in school who'd be pouring into the city have decided to wait.

But you are here, or are coming back soon. Consider that your strength and perseverance will pay off, and now could be your time.

It will take time.

"Arriving" at You Version X is going to take time. We'll be unpacking and processing the experience of this pandemic for years to come. But every day, the soft, warm clay of us will be hardening. Our new selves are emerging, little by little.

We're here to help you step out of this pandemic, today.

We are resuming with more in-person classes (while of course continuing online—which isn't going anywhere!). Most instructors are vaccinated and we understand most students are, too. We want to help you face your fears, get your feet on the ground, and return to the work. And then, soon enough, book your next (or even first) gig.

We're ready. Are you?

Our next session, in-person and online, begins April 12. We'd love to see you in class!

Check out Actor Therapy In-Person (NYC)

Check out 35MM: The Class

Check out Actor Therapy Online

Check out AT Studio (Acting)

-RSO and your #TeamAT

RIDING IN CARS WITH LATVIANS by Karlene Grinberg

My father loves to sing.

My father, Jānis, in 2011 preparing for the Līgo summer festival outside my family’s shop Senā Klēts, a National Costume Center.

When I was a little girl, we’d go on long drives. Old cassettes filled our 1984 Audi, the old dashboard covered with grocery store bags filled with cherries, and he’d sing. He’d flip the cassette. He’d spit cherry pits out the window. Smiling. Sharing his favorite Latvian schlagers and folk songs. Cheerful tunes and sentimental melodies. He’d sing all the way from Blair to Omaha (30 minutes or so on a two-way highway in Nebraska).

Dzīve mana dzīvīte

Ko lai es tev saku

Paiet dzīve dzīvīte

Brienot meža taku

Life, my dear (sweet, little) life.

What can I say to you?

Life goes by, dear life:

I plod a path in the forest.

He explains, “. . .brienot is like stomping through the underbrush to make a path, which in this song the poet had often done. The line suggests that about all we have to show for our lives is the little path that we trod in the deep forest of longing, and of course our path will be overgrown and the forest shall bid us a silent farewell with the song of the forest wind.”

At that time, I was in the Nebraska Children’s Choir. I think I was eleven or so. What a beautiful feeling it was—I joined my first choir. I didn’t even know what “head voice” was (I learned). I was just happy. Over time, I advanced into the next choir. We practiced so much back then. Twice a week. Four hours on Saturdays at the University of Nebraska at Omaha. I’d bring fresh glazed donuts from Jim and Connie’s Blair Bakery to share at break. My dad would smile when I’d hop back in the car. Back onto the country road. We’d sing all the way home. 

The Nebraska Children’s Choir, Bel Canto, performing at the Cathédrale Notre-Dome de Paris.

He loved symphonic sound. He bought these two giant Klipsch Cornwall speakers back in the 80’s and put them on both sides of our basement. That’s where I learned about Les Mis, and Evita, and Joseph, and Miss Saigon.  I’d spend hours jumping from couch cushions stacked on our orange shag carpet, singing “Master of the House!” I remember listening to him play Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony. He’d turn off all the lights, lay his head on the Moroccan linen of the loveseat, and feel the vibrations on high volume. Other times, he’d sit quietly at the Schmoller & Mueller spinet piano his mother bought for him in the late 50’s, pressing keys down, remembering.

My father was born in 1943 in Rīga, Latvia. When the Russians invaded the country, a year after he was born, the family was forced to flee. In the fall of 1944, his mother, Alma, took her five children--Ivars, Gunta, Mara, Vija and Janis (my father)--to Germany. After five years in a Displaced Persons Camp, they received word of sponsorship from a family in the United States and an opportunity to emigrate to America in the summer of 1950.

Top left: Gunta, Alma, Odmite “grandma” (died in the German camps,) and the oldest of the children Ivars;

Bottom Left: Vija, Jānis (my father), and Mara.

As Latvians settled across the U.S. and Canada, they kept their folk songs and cultural traditions, later instrumental in the unity of the nation during the Soviet Occupation after World War II. From 1987 to 1991, the Baltic states—Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania—joined in peaceful protest, with citizens singing in masses as a demonstration for independence. It was a singing revolution. Their symbol of nationalism: music. In the fall of 1989, roughly two million people joined hands, forming a human chain spanning 419.7 miles across the three countries. The Baltic Way. Singing as they linked their hands together.

The Baltic Way on August 23, 1989.

The choral tradition was intrinsic to Latvian identity. Inherent in their customs. Patriotism through song. The Latvian Song and Dance Festival, created in 1873, preserved Latvian culture and identity through choral music and folk dance. Once every five years, 40,000 Latvians from 118 municipalities dress in folk costumes, dance, sing, and celebrate for a week-long festival. This freedom of expression is part of the National Awakening that began during the late nineteenth century. The week ends with a finale combining choirs from across the nation: 20,000 singers perform on one stage, flowers in their hair, as costumed dancers and musicians join together in honoring the most symbolic songs of the country.

The Latvian Song and Dance Festival.

Overhead view of the festival.

Dancers in traditional costumes during the week-long celebration.

In the summer of 1989, before the Iron Curtain fell, my father traveled back to Latvia to meet his own father for the first time since his birth. He brought along a recorder. The tape plays back interviews of walks through trees where plums fell. You can hear my grandfather on the tape sit down and begin to sing, sharing folk songs sung hundreds of times before:

Pūt, vējiņi, dzen laiviņu, 

Aizdzen mani Kurzemē.

Blow little wind; push my little boat, 

Send me home to Kurzeme.

This folksong, Pūt, Vējiņi, was often used in place of the national anthem during the Soviet era. My father told me, “It symbolizes freedom, words you could never say directly to the Soviets. . .it’s very simple. The young man on the boat going to get his bride. When he gets there, the mother rejects him. She accuses him of being a drunkard and a horse racer. He says no, I drank with my own money and rode my own horse. I am not what you say I am. He elopes with her daughter. It’s like, “That’s Latvian identity?” But, what do you hear? When you sing that? You hear your grandfather. You shared something together.  The sharing makes for the identity.”

So, driving back to Omaha heading to choir practice, donuts in the backseat, I remember those Latvian songs playing on cassette.  My identity through the Audi’s stereo system.  Our shared identity.

A dozen glazed donuts from Jim and Connie’s Blair Bakery in Blair, NE.

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Glossary // External Links 

Latvian Song Festival 2018 - "Pūt, vējiņi" (Blow Ye Wind) ENGLISH subtitles: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivAvaONsUWc

Latvian Nationwide Song and Dance Celebration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYIgwyML7WQ

Saule, Pērkons, Daugava - Finale Latvian Song and Dance Festival: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=baaX4-1_df0&fbclid=IwAR26U4-G4iKmcN-lnJY-a3tQZLnVCiG6qsFWELHvgGPUnCqNozIq1C3FwHo

Latvian Song Festival - "Līgo!" (Sway!) ENGLISH translation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXXwX3IPIhI&fbclid=IwAR2vZ16IwIj0Rkviz0ATUcVy0eJXyCLV5Rjh29P4pz04A1BDQdKed3qGvv4

"Gaismas pils" 1985 Anti-Occupation Hymn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiPfinuyn-Q&fbclid=IwAR2uhrS0ePR1lt7H6OR701cAd6sNYrWaXW4bOXYobX_5yxEN-QH-fjX8ZHg

The Latvian Identity: Vaira Vike Freiberga at TEDxRiga: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JT26gr3I1Vc

History of Latvia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcKIeD3RxRQ

My parents’ wedding outside of Omaha, Nebraska, 1973; they are wearing traditional Latvian costumes from the Kurzeme region.

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KARLENE GRINBERG is a New York City based actor, singer, and voice over artist. A Nebraska native, Grinberg received a degree in both music and theater from Nebraska Wesleyan University. She is currently working with Don Buchwald & Associates in their VO and Commercial Print Departments, and can be found teaching at schools across the city encouraging young students to explore, create, and imagine through the arts. karlenegrinberg.com @karlenegrinberg

BEING PRESENT IN YOUR QUARAN-TIME by Jacqui Sirois

(Pressures of Productivity)

These shelter in place days are starting to blend together and I find myself barely remembering what I even did just two days ago. With every day that goes by, I ask myself “what did I really do today?” At first, I was excited by the idea of being gifted all of this time, something that we as artists could only wish for more of a month ago. Now, the novelty of being at home all the time has worn off and we have to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. 

My productivity in my first week at home was pretty stellar. I was waking up by 7am (a remnant of my old life where I would wake up at dawn to go to work), doing yoga first thing in the morning, meditating, going for hour-long socially distant walks, reading, writing, and feeling like I could take on anything that came my way. When that first weekend rolled around, I decided to give myself a break and loosen up a bit, but that’s when everything started to unravel. That weekend lasted about ten days. I couldn’t get myself out of bed before 9, I would spend hours scrolling through my phone, and had no desire to create anything. These were hard days. I was beating myself up for being what I thought was lazy when really, I think it was greif. Life as I knew was pulled out from under me and it took my mind some time to catch up a bit and take in the severity and reality of it all. Once I eventually came around, lessened my doses of news intake, let myself feel the feelings and made sure I was physically healthy, I was able to find a better balance of prioritizing taking care of my mind, body and spirit.With all the uncertainty of what we’re going through right now, your life can change in an instant, making impossible to plan for anything. As someone who hasn’t touched their color-coded agenda in weeks, these days need to be filled with something that would make me feel fulfilled and like I can keep going, despite the fear and anxiety looming all around me. Despite the fact that this virus is limiting how we are able to live, I do have control over this present moment and how I spend my time. Although we are caught in this flurry of uncertainty, what we know for certain and what we can control is what’s right in front of us, this present moment. This is all a one day at a time situation, so there’s no better place to be than the present. 

On one hand, It seems that, as artists, we always wish we had more time. Whether that’s time to create, to rest, to read, to watch, to practice, to learn -- we need those hours in the day and also the energy to devote to it. By being confined to your home and eliminating my survival job from the equation of my day to day, I finally have both the time and energy to cross some things off that list. 

That said, now that you have all this time at your disposal, this nagging voice from inside is saying “You wanted time? Here you go! Go make a masterpiece!” and there’s this pressure to “make the most” of this time. How many times have you heard about Shakespeare writing King Lear while in isolation from the plague? Sure, he wrote a master work, but he also didn’t have a functioning toilet, electricity, the internet, or TikTok, so everyone needs to take a breath and let that go because that ain’t it chief. It’s so easy to get bogged down by the messaging of toxic productivity during what is literally a global pandemic. There’s no “making the most of this”, there’s simply taking care of ourselves and those we love. 

With all that in mind, I know what I need to to strike a balance of keeping myself motivated and productive while also staying healthy, physically and mentally. I want to share things that have been helpful for me on the days where I am feeling like I’m having a great day and when I’m not feeling so hot. I want to preface by saying that our needs are all as unique as we are, so while these are all things that work for me, simply take what you need. 

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1 - GO WITH THE FLOW

When I wake up in the morning, I can already tell if it’s going to be a good day or a bad day just by listening to my body. It’s not a decision I make, it’s just where I’m at when I roll out of bed. A good day is when I spring up out of bed and dive right into the things I hope to accomplish that day. A bad is when I end up watching TV all morning and don’t get dressed until noon, at the earliest. Tune into your body, whatever that means for you. There is no right way to do this except for simply being kind to yourself and to what you feel your body needs. Every day is a new mountain so climb it the way that’s most safe and comfortable for you. We need to make sure we are being kind to ourselves. This time is unprecedented so if you find yourself overcome with anxiety or despair, put yourself first and take care. Some days you need to cross off a bunch of chores off your list and other days you need to just veg out and watch Fleabag for the ninth time. It’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up if you stray from your schedule. Stay away from that toxic productivity mentality and remember that the top priority right now is taking this day by day and doing what you need to take care of you. 

2 -  A SCHEDULE FOR THE DAY

If I’m feeling like there’s a lot I need to accomplish one day, creating a plan for my day. I don’t do this every day, but I find it particularly helpful on days that feel overwhelming with things that need to get done. 

I personally like to write it out on a legal pad and check things off as I do them because it feels so good. Then, I’ll write in the hours that I want to work in, giving myself a set amount of hours that I’m going to devote to my “work day”. For me, these hours are usually 8am-6pm with after 6 being my free time to use as I please (which has been to binge Call The Midwife with my roommate and drinking Nor’Easter cocktails). The first thing I’ll put in is anything that’s already set for that day (digital classes, meetings, workouts, etc.) and then I’ll work the rest of my day around those, being as specific as you need (1 hr of reading, 45 minute walk, bake the Alison Roman Lemon Turmeric Tea Cake). 

Alison Roman’s Lemony Turmeric Tea Cake recipe (photo courtesy of The New York Times.)

I have found that “RSO’s Guidelines for a Successful Day of Productivity” as a jumping off point (I don’t think he calls it that but I wouldn’t be mad if he ended up using it), is a great way to shape my day: 

Give yourself enough time to get going with your Morning Routine, which is using the 45 minutes to an hour after you wake up to get yourself ready for the day (this includes eating breakfast, coffee, shower, journaling, meditation, dog-walking. Whatever you need to get your day started on the right foot), doing your Fast First, an hour of quick tasks you can get done within a minute or two, planning day around your Golden Hours (total of about five hours of your day, broken into 30-60 minute chunks, to fill with the tasks that require the most of your brain. This time could be spent not only creating things but also absorbing content as well), Taking Care of Business time to do the things that need a little less brain power (such as sending emails, making phone calls, running errands) and then finally Fun Stuff (watching Tiger King, playing board games with those you’re isolating with, whatever is fun for you). Also, if you’re someone who needs to schedule time to eat, then put it in there! 

Here’s what last Wednesday looked like: 

An example of Jacqui’s itinerary for a day in self-isolation.

Making sure I give myself time to get outside and or do things that take my mind elsewhere and break up the work is important for me. Moving my body by taking a social-distanced stroll is a-ok right now, I highly recommend it (but of course, use your discretion). A change of scenery can do wonders for your mood and that fresh air feels so good! Also, if you’re worried about not having a mask, a bandana gets the job done (just pretend you’re a bandit for 30 minutes and get some fresh air). If you’re not wanting to go outside, there are so many options for working out at home (I’ve really enjoyed the ModoYogaNYC on Instagram Live. Also, scroll down for some awesome resources Alden shared!). The great thing about making this schedule is that it can change! If something comes up, swap something out for it. If you don’t feel like doing it, don’t do it. You know yourself and what you need, so schedule your time the way you want. 

“How to Make a Pleated Face Mask” from a handkerchief or bandana, care of YouTube.

3 - NO STREAMING DURING DAYLIGHT 

A couple years ago, I was in a situation where I was unemployed for two long months in the summertime. I felt similarly to how I do now, defeated, uncertain about the future and financially strapped. I felt confined to my home and pretty depressed, so naturally all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and watch the entire Netflix catalogue. After allowing myself time to wallow in self-pity, I was annoyed by feeling sluggish, so one day I made a rule for myself that I wasn’t allowed to watch Netflix while the sun was up since that Next Episode button is a sneaky little bugger that kept me glued to my computer and subsequently my bed. This rule may very well have saved my spirit and mental health. It forced me to spend my days doing other things like cleaning up, reading, working out, listening to music, cooking or baking -- basically doing anything that wasn’t watching TV. Finally, once the sun set, I had something to look forward to and could pace myself through seasons of shows. 

4 - STAY CONNECTED

In my old life, I was a texter pretty exclusively. The only person I would really talk to on the phone regularly was my mom. These days, I still talk to my mom on the phone (weird now because I’m calling from her basement and not New York) but I’m talking to so many people on the phone and, let me tell you, it’s really fun! No wonder why teens in the 90’s needed their own phone lines!

But really, I’ve called former co-workers that I used to see every day, family that I haven’t ever called on the phone before and friends that I’ve wanted to catch up with for a long time and now that our lives have slowed down, we can. I also downloaded the app Marco Polo which is a great way to get some face time with people in your life who may not be able to hop on an actual lengthy chat with you but still feels personal. I will also shamelessly plug our Independent Study class, which has been such a saving grace during all this because not only does it help me realize what day of the week it is, but it also keeps me connected to an awesome group of storytellers who care so deeply about sharing and supporting each other’s work and that inspires me to keep chipping away at my own work. 

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So, what do we do with our Quaran-time? These are hard times and everyone copes differently so whatever you need to be your best you is the best use of your time. The only thing that is certain right now is what’s right in front of us. As actors, our job is to be in the moment and be present so what better way than to use what we know and be present because, like the characters we play, that’s all we know. We don’t know what next week holds, we don’t even know what tomorrow holds. All you can do is move moment to moment with what’s right in front of you and be the best possible you. 

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JACQUI SIROIS is a performer, director, writer and dramaturg proudly from Toronto, ON and is currently based in Brooklyn, NY. Jacqui is a graduate (and severely in debt) from Queen’s University (B.A) and NYU (M.M.) and she has also been a life-long musical theatre connoisseur so make sure she’s on your team for Broadway trivia. Outside of the theatre, her interests include cooking & baking, reading, reality TV, and exploring the city on foot. Find her at jacquisirois.com @jacquisirois

WHY I DO SO MUCH LAUNDRY by Connor Hadley

I do a lot of laundry. I don’t wear more clothes than the average person, and I own plenty of pairs of socks and underwear, but I nearly always start big “to do” lists with emptying my hamper.  

This was pointed out to me by a friend a few weeks ago when I was rattling off things I had to do on a Saturday. I think his exact words were “Girl, why are you always at the laundromat?” And I thought about it for a second, and realized he was right. 

Connor outside his local laundromat in Astoria.

I’m fairly (read: very) Type A. I like lists, I’m not *great* with free time, and I enjoy concrete tasks that I can start and complete in one sitting. Laundry is EASY in that way. I know exactly how it will go every time.

I don’t love the process; I know the process. There isn’t a lot of guessing, it doesn’t take any skill or amount of vulnerability, and at the end of the day, if nothing else, I can say I got that done. 

A bit of background on me before I continue:

From the ages of 16-25, I told myself I didn’t want to be an actor. The career path was too uncertain, I didn’t think I was good enough, I was closeted and wanted to shed my “gay theater kid” persona… the list goes on. So, I didn’t pursue it! I got a degree in public relations and business management and went on to do external communications for the largest hospital system in New York. 

Connor (bottom right) in his high school production of Once Upon a Mattress, before giving up the theatre to pursue a muggle job.

And guess what reader? I was fuckin’ good at it. I led projects well above my paygrade and was respected amongst colleagues and leadership. I’ll spare you all of the details about my re-discovering why I needed to do theater, but the Cliff Notes version (related to that job) is that I didn’t love the WORK I was doing at the hospital. I loved how the tasks were concrete and direct, and I got supreme satisfaction by doing them WELL. But in the end, my heart won out, and that’s how I ended up here.  

So now I find myself in “The BizTM” and I need to do things like “work on this song” and “answer questions about this character” and while the tasks themselves are not overly difficult they’re… well… difficult. 

In some ways, it’s because you don’t know if you’re doing them right. But then again, is there even a “right”? And if you get to an audition and they’re only asking for 8 bars, who really cares about all of the character work you’ve done? How are they possibly going to see that from the other side of the table? 

But I think underneath all of these reasons (and excuses we make for ourselves), there is an underlying thought: what if we do put in all of the work, and we do spend the time, and we have absolutely given the best of ourselves to a project… and it still isn’t enough? And people still don’t like us? We still don’t get the job?

So, we avoid those things on our lists. For example, by doing laundry.

Well, friends, here’s the thing. As someone who’s spent some crucial years avoiding that level of vulnerability, I can tell you that the alternative isn’t satisfying. Without big risk, there is no big reward. Doing laundry over and over again will make you feel good about doing something— but it won’t push you to grow as a person. 

It is only through the small, detailed, often confusing (and admittedly difficult) tasks that we inch ourselves toward success. I had absolutely no idea where to start the first time I tried to answer “questions about a character”! But I set aside the time, I committed to it, and I did it. And each time since then has gotten exponentially easier. 

The raw and vulnerable version of ourselves that comes out as we do this work is the exact person that others want to see. It’s ok to be afraid of the complex tasks on your to-do list, but do them anyway. Break them up, little by little, task by task, until they are somewhere higher on your list than washing your dirty clothes.  

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Connor is an NYC-based actor, singer, and dancer, who did experience and survive the Hairspray open call of 2020. Born and raised at the Jersey Shore, he moved to the city to do communications for a major hospital and needless to say, that isn't a thing anymore! He's learning that he has the type of face that makes people stop him in the grocery store to tell him their life story. @connorhadley

#STAYATHOME MOVEMENT CLASSES by Alden Gagnon

(Dance Classes to Take While Sheltering in Place)

Broadway Actor Aaron Tveit (who recently tested positive for COVID-19) in the now-shuttered Broadway production of Moulin Rouge

Here on the East Coast, it’s been a few weeks now of adjusting to a new normal. With COVID-19 sweeping the nation, we have been taking precautions to not only stay safe ourselves, but also to #flattenthecurve and keep others safe by staying at home, practicing social distancing, and sheltering in place. If you’re an NYC baby, some of our favorite dance studios like Steps and Broadway Dance Center have been shuttered for safety purposes during this global pandemic. BROADWAY is even shut down, with its’ glittering lights dimmed indefinitely.

But...no matter how hard things may seem in the outside world right now--you can’t stop the beat! Many amazing movement & dance teachers/schools have been taking to Instagram Live, IGTV, Facebook Live, YouTube, and Zoom to make sure we are getting our sweat on, and getting down and dirty while keeping our dance technique nice and clean.

The 2007 film cast of the musical Hairspray dancing to “You Can’t Stop the Beat”

Staying active helps to take our mind off of everything going on in the world and allows us to be in a more heart-centered space. Also, now that the community has gone global, you no longer have to be in NYC or LA to learn from these amazing teachers! If there is anything that has resonated in my bones this week, it is to lead with love and kindness and get your body moving daily—and those come hand in hand.

That being said, here is a list I have compiled (with permission of those included): some of my favorite dance/movement teachers and their classes currently available online! It is a mix of platforms and most of the classes are totally FREE (some of them also have a suggested donation if you are able to give.) Artists are supporting each other during this time, and it is so great to see the whole dance community come together. You can follow these folx on instagram, facebook, and/or via their mailing lists to get updates on their schedules, which change from week to week. Make sure to bookmark this list for when you just gotta dance!

Gene Kelly in the 1952 featured film Singin’ in the Rain

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THEATRE DANCE & JAZZ

Natalie Malotke

This fabulous and kind Broadway Dance Center teacher has been going live on her instagram weekly doing some theatre dance and jazz movement. Make sure to message her and get on her e-mail list so she can keep you updated.

Where to find her: IG @nataliemalotke

Morgan Rose-Johnson

Theatre dance classes for many different levels to get you moving and shaking in your living room. She has been teaching almost daily--shake it out with her!

Where to find her: IG @nycmoro

Sue Samuels

A dance legend taking her class virtual, with her great jazz warm up and combinations. The class schedule is SUPER consistent.

Where to find her: IG @jazzrootsdancecompany; classes are hosted via ZOOM

Just a little Fosse/Verdon gif for the soul.

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MULTIPLE-STYLE OFFERINGS

Motivated Movers NYC

A wonderful community of artists who support movers and shakers of ALL LEVELS, hosting multiple virtual movement opportunities via zoom.

Where to find them: IG @motivatedmoversnyc

Debbie Allen

The Fame ICON has been teaching weekly instagram and facebook live classes in varying styles. Nuff said.

Where to find her: IG @therealdebbieallen & @officialdadance; FB @therealdebbieallen

Broadway Dance Center

My dance home (I did the Broadway Dance Center Training Program in 2018 and they are great people) has been taking to IGTV with #homeschoolwithbdc — IGTV quick tutorials with daily movement, barre warm ups, and choreo.

Where to find them: IG @bdcnyc

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TAP

Syncopated Ladies

These fierce women trained with Debbie Allen and their YouTube Videos have gone viral many a time (check out “Beychella” and their Prince tribute). They are now teaching live classes and hosted the first ever Virtual Tap Festival!

Where to find them: IG @syncladies; FB Syncopated Ladies by Chloe Arnold @syncopatedladies

POP Tap NYC

Tap with pizza afterward? Yes, please. This fabulous group goes live on instagram and afterwards encourages you to enjoy some pizza from the comfort of your own home. Their combos are always really fun, too!

Where to find them: IG @poptapnyc

Jill Kenney

Jill holds a special place in my heart because she is my tap mentor! She is offering live tap classes on instagram, as well as private zoom lessons (at a very reasonable price).

Where to find her: IG @jillkenneydance

Danny Gardner

Danny has been teaching live zoom and instagram tap classes, and they are a HIT! His classes are pay what you can (and if that’s nothing, no pressure!) Message him to get on the zoom calls, or just get out your tap shoes and shuffle along to his instagram live. It is a safe space for all levels.

Where to find him: IG @dannyjgnyc

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BALLET

(How I think I look while doing ballet)

(How I actually look while doing ballet)

Maine State Ballet

A fabulous place in my home state where THE Robyn Hurder trained as a youngin’. They have been offering daily classes for a wide range of ages and levels (I am going to hop on their barre warm up after I finish writing this article!)

Where to find them: IG @mainestateballet + FB @mainestateballet

Tiler Peck

This fabulous Principal Dancer from the New York City Ballet has been generous enough to share live ballet barre warm-ups and classes almost daily. Follow her as she *turns out* content. (Yes, that pun was intentional and I am not sorry!)

Where to find her: IG @tilerpeck

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Now you have all the information—so it is time to get moving and shaking! See you all in class (but from HOME!)

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ALDEN GAGNON is a Musical Theatre Performer, Body Positive Activist, rescue dog mom, and Certified Crystal Healer/Advanced Crystal Master. Most days you can find her tapping her feet away at Broadway Dance Center, walking Jasper (her aforementioned rescue dog!) along the Hudson River, or having authentic chats with her best girlfriends over some tasty kombucha and cheese. People often refer to her as a “crystal goddess,’ a “badass warrior,” or the “fierce, curvy girl next door.” @aldengagnon

EVERYTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE! by Cassidy Layton

(Tricks to Keep Your Backseat Driver Quiet)

Your backseat driver isn’t your mom, gripping her seatbelt and screaming “RED LIGHT!” as you slowly pull up to a stoplight you saw 500 feet ago. It's a little voice that reminds you of every single thing you’re doing wrong, every minute of every day.

 Mine came about two and a half years into being an actress in NYC. I was suddenly, after two years of here-and-there work, completely un-hire-able. I had gone from feeling like I was on the brink of real success to being no one.

 More accurately, I was self-conscious about my every move, exhausted from working two survival jobs, and artistically dead. I was crying at the hostess stand of the fancy restaurant where I worked while watching the Tony Awards on our Seating iPad. I was waiting for table 52 to go home so I could curl up and die somewhere. That night I wrote a story about setting the world on fire. I knew I needed help, so I started therapy. 

 About three weeks in, I no longer wanted to light things and people on fire. Also, as a totally unintended consequence, I was acting better and booking way more. It took months of work with my therapist to start figuring out why. 

 Like many in this career, and most days in my life, I’m a storyteller. I actively let my creativity run wild. But under constant pressure, with huge rejections flying at me every which way, I lost access to a healthy release valve for my creativity and it emerged as a new voice that screamed at me about my life and my abilities. “You’re the worst. You’ll never book anything ever again. The only thing you’ll ever be known for are those two stupid lines in that stupid TV show that nobody even likes anyways. You’re a fraud. The system is rigged. This is so unfair. I hate myself.” It was like this terrible backseat driver that kept yelling wrong directions and criticisms at me no matter how high I turned up the radio.

 That was the worst, so my therapist and I started to compile a list of reminders that help keep my creativity from working against me, that keep that very developed voice from attacking me. Wouldn’t you know, when I suddenly didn’t have this weird voice in my passenger seat screaming obscenities, casting liked me way better? Bonus.

 #1: DON’T COAST. EXPRESS YOURSELF.

“Coast” meaning, letting your muscles atrophy. Letting your artistic voice go unexpressed. I had tricked myself into thinking I couldn’t or shouldn’t make art unless I was hired to do it. WHAT? A few months after my rock bottom I directed a full musical in my apartment. We seated people at the dining table for three nights of haphazard performances. It was a critical lifeline for me, a game-changer in my relationship with myself. It gave me back some control over the “you suck” voice because it proved to me that I was in control, I was the driver here, not some scared, self-conscious, whisper. 

 If you’re feeling stuck and frustrated, I challenge you to abandon shame and embarrassment and self-sabotage and start something. Write a book, learn your dream role, take a challenging acting class and do terrifying scenes, put up a show -- do something that’s a meaningful time and energy commitment to prove to yourself and your demons that you’re serious and you’re in control. 

 DISCLAIMER: It’s really scary to start something really affirming when fear and shame seem like the only things that have allowed you to survive this long! It helps me to think of those negative feelings like that one old terrible piece of clothing you still have from high school. In my life, it’s an old church cardigan. It served you once, but not anymore. It’s not vintage, it’s old. And it smells. Throw it out.

#2: YOUR WILD IMAGINATION IS AWESOME, BUT LET'S EXAMINE THE FACTS

 If you’re having a hard time, don’t punish yourself! That’s where that manipulative voice loves to sneak in and tell you terrible things. When we fail is a perfect opportunity for that backseat driver to jump into the front seat and slam you into a cliff.  

 You wouldn’t kick an injured animal for not being able to run a race. Everything about being a creative is hard enough. Try to be an advocate for yourself. Let other people give you feedback. Your job is to be your cheerleader, and celebrate growth in whatever form that takes.

 I like to examine what is most likely a story (usually a product of that destructive voice) and what is a fact. For example:

 Story: You really shit the bed at that ECC. You’re so untalented. No one will ever cast you. Your hair looked greasy, too, by the way. Greasy-haired garbage monster.

FACT: I am an artist and that means I am always growing. Growth is messy. I’m going to give myself permission to learn. I am not going to punish myself.

 #3: YOU’RE TOO HOT TO MAKE GLUTEN-FREE CUPCAKES

 I’m talking about prioritizing. Another sneaky move the backseat driver loves is to tell you that you are invaluable by devaluing your time. You do things that feel productive but when nothing changes and you’re no better than you were an hour ago, a week ago, or a month ago, you feel shitty and you don’t know why. It’s because that sneaky voice has weaseled its way back in. “What, you can’t do anything? Why haven’t you been to more auditions this week? Wow, you’re lazy. I guess nothing is ever going to change for you”.

 So don’t make really hard gluten-free cupcakes for some girl you barely know, do endless song charts and acting “homework” but never actually act out loud, volunteer too much time for things you don’t care about, help a random coworker move when you have a self-tape due, go to a lame party the night before an audition, etc. Those are just mundane ways of devaluing yourself, your time, and telling yourself that you’re bad. 

 DISCLAIMER: By all means, do the things you care about outside of your career! But do those nice things for your friends, take interesting classes, do necessary chores. Think of yourself as the hottest, most interesting, smartest, coolest person you know. What are those persons' time commitments like? Your time is valuable! Invest it in the things that you actually enjoy and help you grow, because you deserve better. Better parties, better acting, better cupcakes.

 #4 EVERYTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!

 “Well, everything is impossible anyways!”. When nothing else works, your backseat driver says: “It’s impossible! Acting, relationships, happiness, a peaceful state of the world! Why try?”. So I dare you to make these words into an affirmation of hope. “Everything is impossible! But I’m still working at it anyway!” That’s all anyone is asking for. The goal is progress, not perfection.

 So as you sit and stare at your wall out of sheer boredom during this pandemic (or otherwise), I urge you to tilt your head to look out the window instead, and find a little bit of hope in the hopelessness. A little bit of “now” in a world that’s spinning out of control with a thousand terrible endings. Because now isn’t impossible. You’re already doing it. Tell your critical voice to buckle up or get out, because, despite everything, you’re gonna go for a drive. 

...

(And don’t watch the Tonys at your survival job!)

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CASSIDY LAYTON is a writer, actress, comedian, and dog mom located in Brooklyn, NY. You can find her most recently in Hunters (Amazon Prime), New Amsterdam (NBC) or as the voice of Burger King commercials. When she isn’t journaling, screaming into the vast and eternal void, or baking, she is performing with the children’s literacy group “Story Pirates” and writing a book of dark-humored scary stories for millennials. @casadilla67

COOKING THROUGH A CRISIS by Grace Kane

(Peace, Love, and Laura Vitale)

In 2009, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I was 14. 

Grace with her mom in 1996.

I’ve been very lucky in my life in many ways, but I must say the ride has been ever tumultuous. The day my parents sat me down in the dining room to tell me my mother was sick—that she had the dreaded “c” word—was the day my childhood started to end. Sounds so scary and serious to say it that way, but it’s true. 

Sometimes things are scary and serious. But I believe that in almost every situation no matter how scary or serious, there is good, hope, knowledge, something to be gained from it. 

For me, when my mother got sick I had to become my own comforter for the first time. Now, my family and my friends were wonderful, and I thank my lucky stars every day that my mom is still with us and still fighting the fight. But during those high school years, when she first got sick, I consistently found myself lost in a cycle of angst, sorrow, and solitude. I was lonely. Almost all the time. I had my likes. I had things I liked to do, and a thing (singing) that I knew I had to do but I still felt wildly alone. I had responsibilities, however seriously I took them. I went to school. I didn’t flunk out. I babysat. I had the typical MT girl high school extracurriculars. I had friends. I even had fun. But there was always an edge. Of fear or competition or embarrassment. I was so completely possessed with anxiety. The kind that convinces you that everyone is watching you and laughing at you all of the time. Might sound familiar? If it does, I offer you my deepest sympathies; I know how exhausting that can be. There was one place, however, where I never felt judged. I never felt lonely or inadequate or sad. 

THE STAGE.

Oh my god I’m kidding. So much that I physically could not be kidding more. 

The Kitchen. I saw Ratatouille in theaters when it came out (I think I was in middle school) and I remember being 100% on the same page as the rat the entire time. Yes Patton, food is the best thing ever. We love a lightning-cooked mushroom and a berry cheese moment. I always loved reading recipes and watching my parents as they cooked for us. My brother and sister showed almost no interest in cooking as anything other than a means to an end, but I was mystified.

My father worked (and still works) a lot. On average, I’d say the past twenty years his weekday work schedule runs from 6am-6pm. Subsequently, my mom did most of the weekday meal prep in my formative years. And I had to get comfy feeding myself in high school. It’s probably when most of us ponder how we’re going to manage the whole food thing once we’re out of the cushy parental nest. My father and his father shared a love of cooking. Being Jewish and of Italian/Irish descent, there is a metric ton of super dope food I’ve been exposed to since my earliest days. My mother, while also loving food in all its glorious forms, has never loved cooking. To her, it’s fruitless. A lot of work for a few minutes of satisfaction. 

When my mom got sick, she was very occupied with undergoing the exciting and all-consuming radiation and chemotherapy treatments, five abdominal surgeries, various traumatic and emotional surgical complications, and on and on and on. The record should show that had I not decided to get it on with my inner Julia Child, I would not have starved—however, family meals would’ve become one more thing to burden my parents. One more thing that was out of my own control, as silly as that sounds. 

So much of Theatre—I would even go as far as to say all of it—is outside of the artists' control. All we can do is show up, be prepared, and do our best. Whether or not the proverbial spaghetti sticks to the wall is completely out of our hands. But in the kitchen, the literal spaghetti sticking to the literal wall is literally in our hands. And it feels so good to create something for yourself, to nourish yourself—and not just nutritionally nourish, but the whole nine; food and cooking are restorative and healing to us, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. It’s why they haven’t switched us all over to that “food pill” thing The Jetsons were working with.

A scene from The Jetsons in which the cartoon family decides which food pill to have for dinner.

I learned a lot of family traditional meals and recipes from my (you guessed it) family over the years, but there is one woman to whom I owe my inner chef. She is an Italian native who has lived in the U.S since she was a pre-teen. She is a YouTube sensation with over 3 million subscribers. She has hundreds of easy to follow home-cooking recipes utilizing real ingredients. She is all about balance and loves her kale almost as much as she loves her cookies. Her name is Laura Vitale and she has been my culinary fairy godmother for about a decade. 

YouTube Chef Laura Vitale.

It’s shocking how little it takes to make an insanely delicious meal. Laura taught me that. She taught me the importance of letting proteins come to room temperature before being cooked. She taught me the dangers of over-mixing cake batter and the joys of making homemade mac and cheese instead of just grabbing the box. And she taught me, above all, that it is ok to despise iceberg lettuce. I’ve never met Laura. But if given the chance I would LEAP to give her the biggest of hugs. She unlocked a superpower I didn’t know I had. She showed me that I can take care of myself. I can do something that makes me happy that is utterly unreliant on what anybody else thinks but me. 

When I found myself lonely, distant, isolated (DO THESE ADJECTIVES SOUND FAMILIAR?) delving into the world of risottos, and focaccias, and lentil soups, and ice cream cakes, it didn’t make me feel less alone. My mother was still sick. My problems were still my problems. BUT it did make me realize that I am a pretty good person to be alone with. A lesson that leads to such glorious peace—something I think we could all use a little of right now. 

SOME OF MY FAVORITE LAURA VITALE RECIPES:

Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookies

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_-VJ7ls-Ds&t=297s 

Ginger Soy Chicken

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXtIOALx4dQ 

Mac and Cheese

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W882NYaaiEs 

Homemade Croissants

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgsN1gymxxY 

Thai Curry Meatballs

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llJkW4Pfeus 

Buffalo Cauliflower

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-m94H7E1e-M 

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GRACE KANE is a classically trained opera singer turned beltress-in-training, actor, playwright, and lovable spaz. Born and bred in a little town right between Baltimore and D.C, she now resides in none other than Magical Mystical Manhattan. When not thinking about her pursuits of various artistic mediums, Graces’ attention often turns to anything and everything related to the horror genre, kittens, crunchy leaves, and the search for the perfect avocado roll. @missgracekane

TINY CONNECTIONS FROM ISOLATION by Connor Hadley

Nearly a week ago, as our country was beginning to hunker down, I posted on my Instagram story asking friends to share their favorite albums. The rules were pretty simple: it had to be a full album (any genre), no skip-tracks, something you would listen to front-to-back, and I was really only asking for one-per-person. I’ve been enamored for a bit now with the journey a *full* album can take you on, rather than an individual song. 

Anyway, I got a handful of responses. 

A small sample of the album suggestions Connor received.

I started off my listening with a friend I used to intern for, who suggested Katy Perry’s first album, “One of the Boys.” I bopped along to the classics, and even found some new favorites from an artist I had been admittedly indifferent towards. The friend, Lisa, had previously told me that it was all she had listened to one summer in high school—and instantly brought her back to working at the local golf course and driving around in her baby blue Jeep. 

From there I moved on to a few other albums, some of which I kind of knew, others not at all. When I finished one, I would share it to my Instagram story, and offer 1-2 lines about what I thought (I have generally liked all of them and I am hardly a critic here— no one needs to know if I think their music taste is trash during a pandemic.)

With each one I posted, someone would pop into my inbox with “Hey! Are you still looking for albums?” Of course, I always said yes. And if they commented that they also liked one I had shared, I asked them to send me another that they loved. Through this very low-effort approach, I now have a running list of 50+ albums submitted by friends, and am listening to my 25th. My goal is to get to 100.

The idea was born out of boredom and wanting to discover some new music. But what it has turned into is this perfect little way of connecting with people from my isolation bubble. 

One of the texts Connor received after asking friends for their favorite album.

Music choices are so personal. You like the music you like because it speaks to your soul—maybe it reminds you of a past relationship. Or driving around your small hometown when you first got your license. Or drinking in your dorm room Freshman year.

The most beautiful moments in all of this have been learning new things about friends without even actually seeing them. One of them loves a Frank Sinatra album, because she inherited her grandparents’ record collection and plays it on a loop. Another chose a Shania Twain album that was the first one she remembers having- she’d read the little CD insert over and over again. One of my best friends had me listen to Eric Church, and then told me I’d have to come with his family the next time they traveled to one of his shows (they’ve gone to them in about 6 states so far). 

More texts from friends, sharing music in the time of social distancing.

We’re in an uncertain, scary moment of time. We’ve been discouraged from connecting with anyone in person, and everyone is trying their best to keep up some level of connection via their phones and computer screens. Find the moments that connect you and connect with the ones you love. Find ways to learn something new about a friend you’ve known for years. And if I may suggest so myself—just start with a simple “what’s your favorite album?” 

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CONNOR HADLEY is an NYC-based actor, singer, and dancer, who did experience (and survive) the Hairspray open call of 2020. Born and raised at the Jersey Shore, he moved to the city to do communications for a major hospital and needless to say, that isn't a thing anymore! He's learning that he has the type of face that makes people stop him in the grocery store to tell him their life story. @connorhadley

WHY ME? WHY THIS? WHY NOW? by Gerry Vega

I moved to New York City to do one thing, and one thing only— to fulfill my dream of bringing another artist’s heart and soul to life on a Broadway stage.

It was somewhere between training an 18 month old to sleep while her mother was was opening her own restaurant and having an 8-year-old defiantly pee himself on a crowded, afternoon D train when I began to ponder, “Why is this what I’m doing instead of Broadway?’

I never thought I’d be an unemployed actor. I never considered a survival job. Furthermore, I never thought I’d spend several years as as one of Manhattan’s (self proclaimed) most coveted male babysitters— a manny in professional terms. I never considered how much of my time would be committed to children (aged toddler through Sophomore in High School).

Life of [a] Manny is a silly sitcom I derived from my experience as a gay, Latinx male in present-day New York City, chasing his Broadway dreams, while doubling as a manny. You see, while Broadway continued to not call, I continued to manny, and, instead of resisting my survival job purgatory, I began to write about it. 

In this world I was creating, I had permission to be the lead character.

 The children would make me laugh. They would definitely make me cry. They would draw pictures of me on that Broadway stage. I’d make sure they got from Point A to Point B safely. They’d make sure to drop wisdom on me, mainly about how I was overcomplicating life. One thing was certain, their magical imaginations and inherent presence allowed me to swallow that Actor rejection nobody else could erase for me.

And I continued to laugh, cry, and (most importantly) write through the rejection.

I continued to write until the end of last audition season where I admitted to Mom and Dad (Lindsay and RSO) that I had lost motivation in chasing my Broadway dreams. What would I do next?

I solidified the story of Manny Suarez, a gay babysitter who was impacting the lives of those “affluent New Yorkers”— who had gotten such a bad rap after our last election— and their children.

What if we grew up in a world where a person like me was able to affect the life of our current president? What if he got one more “I love you” or “let’s talk about an alternate solution”? That’s what a nanny, or manny, is to there be when a parent out running their empire. This is the story Manny is trying to tell, but, this time, it’s 2019, where the conversation has clearly become more complicated. 

Parents everywhere can agree. They just want to raise good human beings. 

Once I stopped resisting my circumstance, I discovered how quickly a grown-up could impact the life of a child— their immediate audience. What I get to do as a manny in 2019,—as a gay, person of color— is teach the next leaders of our nation about love, patience, rejection, imagination, problem solving— to name a few. It’s time for grown ups to redirect how we talk to children.

I’d like to put a lens on how many different types of people are changing the lives of these children. “It takes a village”, like an African proverb (and Hillary Clinton) teaches us.

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GERRY VEGA is an Actor, Singer, and Writer who has most recently performed and produced his two solo-cabarets: Growing Up? and Pennies from Heaven — at The Duplex and Don’t Tell Mama. A proud member of Actors’ Equity Association, he has performed at Santa’s Village (Berry the Elf) and as Brother Bear in the National Tour of Berenstain Bears Live: in Family Matters! The Musical. He will use this next chapter to produce is his self-written Pilot, Life of [a] Manny. @vegager

INDEPENDENCE DAY by Grace Kane

So, I’m new here. 

To the city and to the Actor Therapy fam. I picked up and moved from Suburb-Land, Maryland to Manhattan almost exactly a year ago (which is wild). In that time, I’ve met some people, done some things, and had a lot lot lot of absolutely soul crushing anxiety. Really rough, f43.23 (my clinical diagnosis) is a wacky and woe-inducing little bitch. It is my high recommendation to avoid her at all costs. 

However; in the midst of the adjustment disorder suck-fest there were some really good moments. Some bright lights. One of the brightest and shiniest lights in the bleak pit of despair I found myself in was having the courage to put myself in situations where I might grow. 

(feeling compelled to note that I sought out the help of mental health professionals and am doing MUCH better) 

ENTER THE ACTOR THERAPY FAM! 

I’ve been taking lessons with (her royal highness) Lindsay Mendez for a little over a year and a half, and something she suggested to me around Thanksgiving last year was that I think about coming over to the beautiful kingdom of Actor Therapy that she rules over with (his royal highness) Ryan Scott Oliver. The suggestion couldn’t have come at a better time because I was just coming out of a residency program and, unbeknownst to me, was about to enter one of the most emotionally grueling times of my fresh young life. 

So, I took advantage of AT’s FAB Black Friday Sale (not sure if they do that annually but if so, hop on that because it is a STEAL) and spent five lovely weeks with Alexander Gemignani, Stephen Sposito and a group of fabulous artists all trying to get by with a little help from their friends. 

This was in February. In March, I found out my mother had been diagnosed with uterine cancer. Long long story for another day, the point being she’s ok now but my family needed some help over the summer during her treatment. So, I packed up (the little I have to my name) and moved BACK to Suburb-Land, Maryland to spend the summer earning money at a day camp while also trying to do anything I could to help my mother. 

FAST FORWARD TO MID AUGUST 2019

So, chemo’s done. Camp has ended, and I’m gearing up for another year in The Big Bad City (because we all know the year really starts in September). I am desperate to drown myself in classes upon my return so that I might absorb the water allowing my brain and talent to expand like a Chia Pet. While also, hopefully, keeping my mind too busy to revert back to the place it was in before I left for the summer. 

The question before the court of Grace is; what freaking classes should I take? I enjoy pursuing many different artistic means of expression. Obviously, I have an insatiable appetite for all things Sondheim, as do we all. Sondheim appreciation class? Nah. I love comedy and I love cheesy horror and the works of Suzan Lori Parks. Ok getting warmer. I’m a classically trained opera singer. But there isn’t a chance in this world I would take an opera performance related class at this point in my journey. I’m a lyricist. Writing, right, we like writing. I spend a lot of time trying to perfect my risotto recipe. Cooking class? Eh, that’s why I watch Top Chef. I write plays. Oh yeah! In fact, there’s a play I’ve been working on since I was a sophomore in college. I’ve been way too busy with the whole f43.23 related downward spiral to do much work on it this past year. But maybe now’s the time? Is now the time? Oh hey, Actor Therapy is doing a new thing! Omg it’s about working on projects you’re having difficulties with WOW!

(this is almost the part where I tell you about Independent Study. Stay with me, folks!) 

K NOW LET’S BACKTRACK TO 2015

There I am, little college Grace, with only a dollar and a dream. Absolutely no concept of a clue, or a plan, just a series of decisions being made in the hopes of answering the age-old question: What will make me happy? I liked doing lots of things (as afore mentioned). But I was always so afraid of the possibility that I could bad at them. So, I would never declare myself anything, specifically. I wasn’t an actor, I was studying acting. I wasn’t an opera singer, I was studying classical voice, and so on. It’s a trap I set for myself somewhere in the sixth or seventh grade that I still haven’t entirely navigated escape from. It’s fascinating, mental health, isn’t it? That’s a whole other dissertation blog post, but in short; there were days, still are, where Everest seems like a tiny incredibly scalable hill, and other days where it seems like, well, Everest. On the days it seems climbable, I am happy, calm, because there is a sense of certainty there. And I’m never sure how it got there, or why it decides to fly away sometimes. Historically it comes back. And I always try to remember that. 

Oh right, my play! 

So, little college Grace decided she wanted to see if she could find an idea interesting enough to carry an entire play. She thought about it for weeks and yet every time she felt herself getting close to something, she’d say, “Yeah but you’re not a writer, you have no idea what you’re doing,” or, if she was feeling sarcastically self-deprecating she’d go with, “Woah, cool it Hemingway, let’s walk before we run.” And around and around until one day she had a concept. “Hm. What if a bunch of people from different points in the 20th century were stuck together?” Ooo. She liked this. But how would they find themselves trapped together? Ok, location. A solid location. OH! Hotel that is actually purgatory. YES! We have a location! From there, she added parameters of who the purgatory was for. Once she did that, suddenly a tragic little world began to unfold. A really harsh world that deals with a lot of the creepy crawly ugliness that our own world has to offer. I won’t delve into the plot too much, but I will say that about six months after this initial concept, The Hotel Persephone, had its very first complete draft. 

It is now 2019 (duh, Grace) and this script has been worked. I think I’m on draft seven. But it’s very possible this is number eight. I’ve had readings sponsored by me, friends of mine, my university, I even had it workshopped before I moved. But there was always a ‘down’ period between bursts of inspiration and temporary dedication to bettering this script. Keeping with the Everest metaphor, on the days when I was ready to grab my green boots and huff it up to the tippy top, I was in love with the script. I couldn’t get enough of it. I was so focused on improving it because I truly believed that it was worth improving. But then, the days of doubt would come. I would remember that wearing green boots to climb Mt. Everest does not an ideal plan make. I would shrink down into the smallest and meekest version of myself and not even be able to look at my script without simultaneously hating it, and myself. Super not fun. Again, would recommend avoiding if at all possible. After the workshop, I was convinced that the script was just one more draft away from being finished. And in the years since I started it, I’d grown to be able to call myself a writer. Without fear of being disproven. As I sit here, writing, I am a writer. And whether or not I’m Hemingway or a long-lost Bronte sister, or just Grace from Maryland with a keyboard, I allow myself to identify as something I’ve worked so hard at for a really long time. I’ve written ten minute plays, one act plays, I’m conceptualizing a pilot, and have three full length plays I’m developing but I can’t ever bring myself to really dig into these other projects, because I feel I owe it to Hotel Persephone, the piece that made me a writer, to finish it. 

ENTER ACTOR THERAPY’S INDEPENDENT STUDY PROGRAM!  

Ok, at last, here we are. 

Suffice it to say, I signed up for Independent Study! Yay! I decided to say, “f43.23, I see you, I recognize that you exist, but I am going to put you on a mental shelf and live my life a little.” And so far, f43.23 has been pretty good with that. King RSO sent us independent studiers a LENGTHY but incredibly well written form that led to me pouring my heart out and putting to words, much of what I’ve said here. Why it’s so important to me that I finish this script, but also what’s been making it so difficult. 

We’ve only had two in person sessions so far. And it sounds silly, but just two sessions was enough to kick my ass a little. Being face to face with other people with goals and ambition just like me but for whatever reason are struggling to get past the challenges of whatever their project is just like me reminded me that the struggle bus is not low occupancy. Nor is it inescapable. Nor does it mean that you, and what you have to offer isn’t worth it. With that in mind I was able to let go of a lot of the thoughts that were keeping me tied up and focus on enriching and bettering this world that I’ve been crafting for four years now. And I’m able to get insights on my work from people that I respect. And I’m able to offer my own insights on some really remarkable projects.  

The fear, and the anxiety are still there, but giving myself the room to try and accomplish something. Reminds me that I can accomplish something. And for me, that is a pretty needed win. In the past three weeks, I’ve done more work on this script than I have in the past year. And it’s me. I’m doing it, I’m doing the work. King RSO is not doing it for me. But him, and the other incredibly inspiring artists involved in this class are allowing me a safe space to try. A safe place to potentially fall on my face. Or more likely, a safe space to succeed and be reminded of why it is that I’m not a florist. Or an investment banker. Or a hitman. I am an artist because I love it. And I wouldn’t want to be anything else. And I’d honestly almost forgotten that. But giving myself a place to show up and be accountable, it’s given a piece of my inner artist back. That’s what Independent Study has brought me so far.

NOW FOR THE MEANINGFUL CONCLUSION! 

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my short time in this wacky town, it’s that everyone is trying. Everybody wants to be doing their best all the time, and everyone is trying to figure out what that means. But sometimes just that, just the act of trying seems impossible. I can’t climb Everest! What am I even thinking? What am I doing here? There are so many little universes of wrong and fear and doubt and failure and other deep dark scary stuff that we all have to stare down every now and then. And it’s hard. It’s even harder if you carry it all by yourself all the time. And I know, Actor Therapy, it’s not real therapy. Licensed mental health professionals are irreplaceable and vastly important humans that I CANNOT assert the value of enough. But Actor Therapy is therapeutic. Just showing up. Having a place to show up to. Having a safe place to try, helps with the little stuff. And the little stuff 9/10 times I’ve found, turns out to be the big stuff. Because Everest, like all things, gets tackled one step at a time. Super cheesy I totally get that and I am honestly living for it, but it’s true. Eating three meals a day. Boom, step. Leaving your apartment. Boom, step. Leaving a survival job you hate, for one that’s a little less miserable. Step Up. Deciding you want to feel like an artist again. Step Up 2: The Streets. Putting yourself, however scary it may be, in situations where you might grow. Big damn step. And suddenly, you’re way closer to the top of the stupid mountain, and you’re really freakin’ proud of yourself. 

 So, I’d say if you’re struggling to feel like an artist again, if you’re stuck trying to get an idea off the ground or suss out where you want to take a script or what you want to do with your website or your cabaret show or your novel or your feng shui design for your Grandma Pearl’s basement try Independent Study with Ryan Scott Oliver. It could take you one step closer to the top of your mountain. And you know what they say, one step at a time. 

GRACE KANE is a classically trained opera singer turned beltress-in-training, actor, playwright, and lovable spaz. Born and bred in a little town right between Baltimore and D.C, she now resides in none other than Magical Mystical Manhattan. When not thinking about her pursuits of various artistic mediums, Graces’ attention often turns to anything and everything related to the horror genre, kittens, crunchy leaves, and the search for the perfect avocado roll. @MissGraceKane